Christmas Stories 2018
Just as they say in The Christmas Story, Christmas is the holiday around which the entire child's year revolves, and apparently, I have not grown up. Every year I hold Christmas up to the highest standard, and very rarely does it disappoint. The holiday is the pinnacle, but I can also say that I don't usually get depressed when it's over. I celebrate the appropriate amount and in fact, look forward to getting back into routine. I love removing Christmas decorations so that I can regain my counter space and toss broken or unflattering glittery snow-topped baubles. I enjoy going back to work after the celebration has ended, and I can't wait to get started on whatever exercise regimen I've deemed worthy for the upcoming year. I've always embraced fresh starts and January 1st is the best one there is. I'm also ready for my circadian rhythm to get back to normal, as I've taken all the naps I could possibly steal, and to stop fibbing to my already questioning 7 year old!
Doug and I have shared the responsibility of being the Magic Maker for the holidays - I get the presents after we've decided upon them, organize the decoration of the inside of the house, Christmas cookies and gingerbread houses, and set the dates to get a tree and meet Santa. Doug makes sure Ollie has his Christmas outfit, decorates the outside of the house more garishly each year, and holds the all-important and not-to-be-taken-for-granted job of directing Elfred, our Elf on the Shelf.
This year, my husband and I think may be the last year that Ollie believes in Santa. He's been asking a lot of questions, and we, as parents, have had a lot of close calls. Late November, while Doug was on a ladder outside stringing lights and determining the best time to spring a giant blow up Santa-hatted Minion on me (the former of which looked amazing and the latter of which he chose to show to me after the child had already confessed his undying love of it and it was already airing up next to our driveway), Ollie and I brought up the three bins of Christmas decorations from the basement.
--In order to move forward in this story, you have to understand the Elf on the Shelf is that teeny little flannel doll that you canbuy ADOPT at any local Target, Walmart or Meijer. It comes with a book that tells you that the elf (the name of whom is yours to choose) comes from the North Pole at the beginning of December and his/her sole job is to tell Santa what you're up to for the month leading up to Christmas. He flies back to the North Pole each night and returns every morning (which conveniently explains his different location each day) to spy on you. He leaves on Christmas Eve to help Santa deliver presents or something, and won't come back until next December. It's a handy little trick for adult liars with lots of time on their hands, and for children who don't have abandonment issues, severe paranoia or other neuroses.--
Back to my story: Ollie and I were opening up the tubs and he found where we had stashed Elfred. The same Elfred who isn't supposed to be stashed anywhere since he's magic and is supposed to be at the North Pole. I had forgotten all about Elfred since he's NOT MY JOB and was startled when Ollie called out, "Mom! Elfred's in here!"
My tongue filled up my mouth at this point and I began a faint bit of sudden onset Tourette's which continued until my husband walked in from the garage. I said, a little too brightly, "Doug, Ollie just found Elfred in one of the tubs!" He asked us to go downstairs to "look for a few more Christmas tubs" and when we came back up, the elf (and Doug) was nowhere to be found. Ollie looked in the tub, and either like a child who wishes too hard for a unclear belief or a child who's drank a bit too much of the Christmas Kool-Aid, he looks back over his shoulder at me and mouths, "Elfred's. Not. Here. Where did he GO?!?" He starts scrambling around trying to find Elfred, and I, wanting to back away from the situation as I'm horrible at making crap up, grabbed some decorations and started in on the kitchen. A few minutes go by and Doug comes back in from the garage. After ascertaining that Ollie wasn't in the living room, he stole in and slapped post-its onto the hearth, then whisked away like a phantom back outside. Ollie then walked into the kitchen and whispered, "Mom! Did you see the fireplace?" We read the notes together, which said that Santa was trying something new this year, and had sent the elves back to do spot checks on their children. Elfred had seen Ollie helping his mom, so he was excited to go back to tell Santa how good Ollie was being. He'd see him in a week. (Reason #35678 why I chose Doug to be the father of my child). At this point my improvisational training shone through and I feigned dismay that Elfred had flown right past me to put up the notes and back out again. ACTING.
After that blazing beginning to on-the-fly explanations about the wonderment of Christmas, I grew more confident. Most questions came up in the car on the way to school.
Ollie: "Mom? Why is Santa going into that building? He's not supposed to be here yet."
Me: "Oh, but Santa's all over the place in December!"
Ollie: "But they're not all Santa..?"
<PAUSE>
Me: "I'll let you in on a little secret, Ollie. You're right; they're not all Santa. Santa has to stay home in December to supervise the elves. So he sends out look-alike elves to talk with the kids and find out what they want for Christmas."
Ollie: "Yeah...I thought so."
Me: "But don't tell anyone. Little kids think it's really Santa. Only big kids like you know the truth."
Ollie: "Right. Okay, Mom."
Ollie: "Mom? How to elves make electronics?"
Me: "Well, how do you think the electronics get into stores?"
<Silence from the backseat as Ollie's head explodes.>
Ollie: "Mom? I know reindeer aren't real."
Me: "What do you mean? They're totally real. They are actual animals."
Ollie: "So what if I told you that I don't believe in reindeer?"
Me: "I'd say that makes about as much sense as you saying you don't believe in horses."
Ollie: "Ha! Horses!"
Doug and I see that Ollie is really thinking hard about the whole Santa thing right now. One day he'd be asking questions like these, and the next he'd be telling me that he doesn't hang out with the kids who don't believe in Santa (which I confirmed means that they celebrate Christmas but don't believe in Santa, not, like, people of other religions - yikes). Christmas Eve night he kept asking to see the Santa-tracker and if Santa had come yet.
Every Christmas Eve, we have a tradition that after the in-laws have left, Elfred leaves one gift for Ollie at the front door. (Then he's off to the North Pole again). This year, Ollie was in bed before we remembered the present so Doug had Elfred knock at his bedroom door. Ollie rushed out of his room to open the present while Doug claimed to have seen Elfred dart under Ollie's bed. This set Ollie off for some reason (probably overtiredness, Elfred had been in his room multiple times before), and he started hysterically crying that Elfred was still in the house and should've been flying to the North Pole. For the rest of the night - and I mean the entire night - Ollie called Elfred creepy and would start crying if no one was sleeping in bed with him (despite every stuffie in the house being called in for active duty). Suffice it to say, as the bed jumper, I was very tired Christmas Day. And I'm not sure Elfred will be welcomed back with open arms Christmas 2019.
Ollie had asked Santa for the Nintendo Switch. Because we're saving to go to Disney World this year and that was going to be his big present, we couldn't swing it for Christmas. While cuddling on the couch with cocoa that night, Ollie did confess to me that while he loved all his presents, he did wish he had gotten the Nintendo Switch. I understood and said, "Santa might not have been able to get that for you, buddy. He has limited resources, and we didn't get to tell him you wanted it until about a week ago." He goes, "But he's magic and he can do anything!" To which I told him, "He probably made just enough Nintendo Switches this year to give to other people who asked earlier. And besides, not everyone gets to go to Disney World!"
It seems to me that Ollie is trying to hold on to any shred that Santa is real either because he wants it to be real or he thinks we want him to believe. He knows Santa gives him a present and his stocking each year and that we provide the rest. While I was wrapping his presents in the basement a few nights before Christmas, Doug and I heard him come down the stairs. Luckily, Ollie got wrapped up in the security box fort Doug had built to alert us to this curious intruder. Doug leaped up and I laid myself out over the presents like I was sacrificing myself over a grenade. Ollie just laughed and laughed, the little stink.
Other key stories that are worth remembering:
Doug and I have shared the responsibility of being the Magic Maker for the holidays - I get the presents after we've decided upon them, organize the decoration of the inside of the house, Christmas cookies and gingerbread houses, and set the dates to get a tree and meet Santa. Doug makes sure Ollie has his Christmas outfit, decorates the outside of the house more garishly each year, and holds the all-important and not-to-be-taken-for-granted job of directing Elfred, our Elf on the Shelf.
This year, my husband and I think may be the last year that Ollie believes in Santa. He's been asking a lot of questions, and we, as parents, have had a lot of close calls. Late November, while Doug was on a ladder outside stringing lights and determining the best time to spring a giant blow up Santa-hatted Minion on me (the former of which looked amazing and the latter of which he chose to show to me after the child had already confessed his undying love of it and it was already airing up next to our driveway), Ollie and I brought up the three bins of Christmas decorations from the basement.
--In order to move forward in this story, you have to understand the Elf on the Shelf is that teeny little flannel doll that you can
Back to my story: Ollie and I were opening up the tubs and he found where we had stashed Elfred. The same Elfred who isn't supposed to be stashed anywhere since he's magic and is supposed to be at the North Pole. I had forgotten all about Elfred since he's NOT MY JOB and was startled when Ollie called out, "Mom! Elfred's in here!"
My tongue filled up my mouth at this point and I began a faint bit of sudden onset Tourette's which continued until my husband walked in from the garage. I said, a little too brightly, "Doug, Ollie just found Elfred in one of the tubs!" He asked us to go downstairs to "look for a few more Christmas tubs" and when we came back up, the elf (and Doug) was nowhere to be found. Ollie looked in the tub, and either like a child who wishes too hard for a unclear belief or a child who's drank a bit too much of the Christmas Kool-Aid, he looks back over his shoulder at me and mouths, "Elfred's. Not. Here. Where did he GO?!?" He starts scrambling around trying to find Elfred, and I, wanting to back away from the situation as I'm horrible at making crap up, grabbed some decorations and started in on the kitchen. A few minutes go by and Doug comes back in from the garage. After ascertaining that Ollie wasn't in the living room, he stole in and slapped post-its onto the hearth, then whisked away like a phantom back outside. Ollie then walked into the kitchen and whispered, "Mom! Did you see the fireplace?" We read the notes together, which said that Santa was trying something new this year, and had sent the elves back to do spot checks on their children. Elfred had seen Ollie helping his mom, so he was excited to go back to tell Santa how good Ollie was being. He'd see him in a week. (Reason #35678 why I chose Doug to be the father of my child). At this point my improvisational training shone through and I feigned dismay that Elfred had flown right past me to put up the notes and back out again. ACTING.
After that blazing beginning to on-the-fly explanations about the wonderment of Christmas, I grew more confident. Most questions came up in the car on the way to school.
Ollie: "Mom? Why is Santa going into that building? He's not supposed to be here yet."
Me: "Oh, but Santa's all over the place in December!"
Ollie: "But they're not all Santa..?"
<PAUSE>
Me: "I'll let you in on a little secret, Ollie. You're right; they're not all Santa. Santa has to stay home in December to supervise the elves. So he sends out look-alike elves to talk with the kids and find out what they want for Christmas."
Ollie: "Yeah...I thought so."
Me: "But don't tell anyone. Little kids think it's really Santa. Only big kids like you know the truth."
Ollie: "Right. Okay, Mom."
Ollie: "Mom? How to elves make electronics?"
Me: "Well, how do you think the electronics get into stores?"
<Silence from the backseat as Ollie's head explodes.>
Ollie: "Mom? I know reindeer aren't real."
Me: "What do you mean? They're totally real. They are actual animals."
Ollie: "So what if I told you that I don't believe in reindeer?"
Me: "I'd say that makes about as much sense as you saying you don't believe in horses."
Ollie: "Ha! Horses!"
Doug and I see that Ollie is really thinking hard about the whole Santa thing right now. One day he'd be asking questions like these, and the next he'd be telling me that he doesn't hang out with the kids who don't believe in Santa (which I confirmed means that they celebrate Christmas but don't believe in Santa, not, like, people of other religions - yikes). Christmas Eve night he kept asking to see the Santa-tracker and if Santa had come yet.
Every Christmas Eve, we have a tradition that after the in-laws have left, Elfred leaves one gift for Ollie at the front door. (Then he's off to the North Pole again). This year, Ollie was in bed before we remembered the present so Doug had Elfred knock at his bedroom door. Ollie rushed out of his room to open the present while Doug claimed to have seen Elfred dart under Ollie's bed. This set Ollie off for some reason (probably overtiredness, Elfred had been in his room multiple times before), and he started hysterically crying that Elfred was still in the house and should've been flying to the North Pole. For the rest of the night - and I mean the entire night - Ollie called Elfred creepy and would start crying if no one was sleeping in bed with him (despite every stuffie in the house being called in for active duty). Suffice it to say, as the bed jumper, I was very tired Christmas Day. And I'm not sure Elfred will be welcomed back with open arms Christmas 2019.
Ollie had asked Santa for the Nintendo Switch. Because we're saving to go to Disney World this year and that was going to be his big present, we couldn't swing it for Christmas. While cuddling on the couch with cocoa that night, Ollie did confess to me that while he loved all his presents, he did wish he had gotten the Nintendo Switch. I understood and said, "Santa might not have been able to get that for you, buddy. He has limited resources, and we didn't get to tell him you wanted it until about a week ago." He goes, "But he's magic and he can do anything!" To which I told him, "He probably made just enough Nintendo Switches this year to give to other people who asked earlier. And besides, not everyone gets to go to Disney World!"
It seems to me that Ollie is trying to hold on to any shred that Santa is real either because he wants it to be real or he thinks we want him to believe. He knows Santa gives him a present and his stocking each year and that we provide the rest. While I was wrapping his presents in the basement a few nights before Christmas, Doug and I heard him come down the stairs. Luckily, Ollie got wrapped up in the security box fort Doug had built to alert us to this curious intruder. Doug leaped up and I laid myself out over the presents like I was sacrificing myself over a grenade. Ollie just laughed and laughed, the little stink.
Other key stories that are worth remembering:
- Ollie telling me that I'm a really great decorator while I'm frosting cookies to an inch of their lives
- Ollie congratulating me on not saying the "F" word when backing out of a Target parking spot
- Learning together to play Dreidel at Boy Scouts
- Ollie being one of two Josephs in the church Christmas program. Both boys wanted the role and neither one was about to give it up. Hence, Joseph Sr. (Ollie) and Joseph Jr. (a smaller kid named Leo with thick glasses)
- Making homemade Baileys and Cafe Bavarian Mint coffee for friends
- Singing songs that made the season: "Starmaker" with Josh and Amanda, "Silent Night" with Heather, and "Winter Song" with Anna
- Ollie's two front teeth are finally coming in and we sang "All I Want for Christmas" with him!
- Ollie bemoaning the lack of snow: "This is a dumb winter. It snows and then unsnows really fast!"
- Visiting Nintendo Switch at Best Buy
- In the middle of unwrapping presents on Christmas morning, Ollie stood up, put his hands together and said, "Can we just take a moment to organize?"
This boy, my gosh. I know Jesus is the reason for the season, but there's something definitively holy about spending the Christmas holiday with your child. Whether or not he continues to believe in Santa for another year (probably not, some of his friends are little shits), whether or not Doug will add more obnoxious holiday-touting cartoon characters to our lawn, and whether or not the ozone will allow snow for another winter, I'm just so grateful to be spending this holiday with my little family.
If you have human littles, furry littles, no littles at all, a partner, a cell mate, or just the guy who appreciates your taste in movies at Family Video, hug them and wish them a happy holiday.
Then take a nap - you deserve it!
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