Raising a Helper

I tend to think that as a parent, if my only job in this whole maddening, cruel, crazy world is to create a normal, civilized human who lives by the golden rule, I’m totally going to lose the whole game.  

There are lessons that Doug and I and his teachers and Sunday School teachers are teaching him…and that we all repeat to him over and over again.  In both big and little ways we teach him and show him to be ethical.  Don’t Lie.  Don’t Steal.  Don’t Hurt.  We have Responsibilities.  Give.  Be Kind.  Be Helpful.  Say Please.  Say Thank You.  Don’t Waste.  Will they all get across?  Who knows.  I can only hope and pray that some principle between right and wrong will become stuck in his little brain, so that he can somehow grow up to be one of the helpers, one of the good guys.

This week was a tiny little pinhole peek, I think, into Ollie’s future.  I counted at least three morals make their way out of our house through him.

Every time we ask him who he played with at recess, Ollie shrugs his shoulders and says he doesn’t have any friends.  The other day I was corresponding with his teacher over email (she was asking about his peanut allergy), and I asked her, giving her the caveat that Ollie has a tendency to be dramatic, if he has any friends in Kindergarten.  She wrote, “Oliver is making lots of friends in class.  He is such a kind and polite little boy. The other day, he noticed a classmate was feeling nervous about making it to the classroom from the satellite office, and he took it upon himself to help her out.  In they walked hand-in-hand.  What a sweet boy!”  He had told the teacher that he was the little girl’s “bestest buddy” and he knew that she got “worried.”  

Helpfulness.  Win.  Good job, Ollie.

A few days ago, I took Ollie to school and because we were early, I walked him inside instead of dropping him off at the satellite office.  Ollie proudly showed me the way to his room, to his seat, and to his locker.  He showed me how he takes his chair off the top of his desk, where he puts his snack every morning and how he takes out his folder so his teacher can look through it.  It was wonderful to watch him proceed with confidence and ownership.

He earned an “Eagle Pride” ticket the other day “for being good”, he told us.  When questioned further, he said it was because he was doing what he was told.

Responsibility.  Win.  Good job, Ollie.

The other morning, I was helping Ollie make his lunch and he asked if he could make mine.  We’re at opposite ends of the kitchen putting together each other’s lunch and I see him sneak something into my lunchbag.  I peek over and see that it’s one of his Roll-Ups (remember those?).  I say, “Oh, Ollie, I don’t want to take your last Roll-Up, those are for you!”  He grabbed the box and showed me the inside, saying, “Mama, look.  There is one left for me.  I want this one to be for you!”

Generosity.  Win.  Good job, Ollie.

We do have a very sweet boy.  A very generous, helpful and sweet boy who DOES listen to the messages we’re trying to teach him.  Thank goodness.  So when the world is crumbling around us - racism surging, the poor being trod upon and the meek being taken advantage of - at least we can point to him and say, “Look everyone.  Right here is a boy who loves everyone and isn’t an asshole.  Try making one of your own!  It feels great!”

We are winning as parents with this boy.  Every time I think that there are only so many upstanding citizens for Ollie to revere, that the world is too broken to fix, that I’m doing nothing to make the future a better place for him, I look to Ollie.  I think he has hit upon the second most important rule after the Golden one:  Look for the Helpers, Child.  And Then Be One.