He's too old...
Yesterday, I dried myself off from the shower, wrapped myself up in my robe and walked out into the living room. Ollie had poured himself an additional bowl of cereal while he watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the remnants were all over the table and floor. The cereal bag was outside the box, the milk was sitting without its top, and Ollie was focused on the TV, hunched over his bowl, spooning generic Rice Krispies into his mouth. I took a picture and posted it on Facebook because I was so proud of him being self-sufficient enough to take care of his own hunger without asking for help.
After receiving comments regarding friends' nostalgic sadness at his growth, I took a second long look at the picture. Instead of seeing it through a mother's eyes, I tried to view the picture through the eyes of friends and family who don't see him that often. Instead of seeing a sweet little boy who just wanted more cereal, I saw an older kid. Not caring about what anyone else was doing in the house, my teenager was hunched over carelessly slurping cereal in a rush to get out the door. I carefully blinked to flash back to the picture of the 4-year-old I knew him to be, instead of seeing the 15-year-old that he will be soon.
Everyone says how it goes so fast, childhood, and how in seconds they are grown up, out the door. Everyone says how you have to cherish every tiny moment, and you'll have time to clean later after you play with them now. Days are long, years are short, etc.
This is my 6th post in 2015. At this time last year, I was cranking out my 15th post. We all know that people get busy and life gets hectic as the kids grow up. We get involved in activities that don't revolve so much around introspection as they do running errands, playing sports, working, paying bills, seeing friends, repeating yourself, soothing hurt feelings and treading carefully around tantrums. And yet, those are not the reasons that I want to give when, years from now, Ollie asks me about his childhood and I can't remember squat.
Ollie, you've done a lot of growing up this summer.
Your daddy and I are especially proud of you because you went through a very big biting, hitting, tantruming and throwing things period and after the extremely thoughtful work by and insights from your teachers, the administrator, your grandmas, local law enforcement and the internet, you have been doing VERY well for about a month or two.
One day, after it seemed like the millionth report that I got from your teachers about you biting someone and throwing chairs, I had had it. We had been driving to the gym and on a whim, I pulled in to a fire station. I rolled down your window, turned off the car and walked up to a fire fighter, who was helping to wash the truck. I told her that I knew what I was going to ask was a waste of tax payer's money and her time, but that you were a big fan of "fire-fire-ers" and were having some trouble at school. I had no more ideas left. Without a second thought, she grabbed her helmet and walked out to the car. "I'm Fire Fighter Mari," she introduced herself, "and I hear you've been biting at school." It was awesome! You were in equal parts awed and embarrassed.
From then on, we barraged you with anti-biting and anti-violence messages. The day after the fire station, a police officer visited the daycare, and one of your teachers told her about Fire Fighter Mari. The police officer acted as if FF Mari was a friend and had told her about your biting. You and the police officer had a little talk. That weekend at the church block party, you got to go inside a firetruck. I told that fire fighter about your recent visits and SHE talked to you too. She said you could wear the Chief's helmet if you promised not to bite. You did and you haven't since. :)
(Before I go on, I do want to publish my giant pride that all the officers he talked to were WOMEN.)
That quelled the biting, but the anger issues you had needed to be dealt with as well. You were getting angry very easily, getting impulsive and going off the rails. Doug and I, along with the teachers, decided to try something new, and whenever anyone could see you start getting worked up, we gave you balls to squish and let you run around a little to get the energy out. At school, you have a little corner with pillows to throw or punch and an area to run in place. So far it's working. (KNOCK ON WOOD).
You like two girls right now - Evelyn, at church and Stella, at daycare. Evelyn is the same age and Stella, I think, is in kindergarten and comes to pick up her sisters every day with her mom. After Vacation Bible School a couple of weeks ago I asked you what your favorite part of the day was, and you said,
"Seeing the girl I like! What's her name, Mama?"
"Evelyn?"
"Yeah, Evelyn. I like her."
<Stomach. Drop.>
Prior to Vacation Bible School, you always wanted to play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. After the first day of VBS, however...
"Mama! Let's play David and the giant!"
"You mean Goliath, Ollie?"
"Yeah! David and Goliath the giant! You have to throw 5 rocks at me!"
You have a tongue thrust, and always pronounce your "th" sounds as "f," so we've been working with you. The first word we worked on was "Thor." You're really getting the hang of it and now, after hesitant consideration, can say EarTH, THrough, THrow, and baTH without a problem!
Sitting down one morning, watching cartoons:
"Mama! I have to go to the potty!"
"Okay, then go."
"SILLY LITTLE PENIS!"
"Uhh..why did you say that, Ollie?"
"Because it's a silly little penis because I have to go potty ALL THE TIME!"
Papa Mickey (Grandpa Cook) and Aunt Courtney went to South Dakota on a Harley ride and came back through Minnesota to spend the night with us. We didn't tell you about it until that morning because we knew you wouldn't have slept at all the night before! This was our conversation that morning:
Me: "Ollie, guess who you're going to see tonight!"
Ollie: "Who?"
Me: "Guess!"
Ollie: "Gus?"
Me: "No, guess."
Ollie: "Is that her name?"
Me: "No. Guess who we are seeing tonight."
Ollie: "Um, guests?"
Me: (Ugh) "No. We are seeing Papa Mickey and Aunt Courtney."
Ollie: "Yeah! And they're our guests!"
It was rough. But it was a wonderful little night. Aunt Jessica ordered some pizzas and all the kids tried out the bike.
It's not the only bike you've been on lately. Someone's learning with training wheels!
You still prefer your trike, though. Shorter distance to the ground, I think.
While Papa and Aunt Courtney were here, they also brought gifts for everyone. You got a Native American headdress and this coon-skin cap. Everyone from Starbucks to your teachers love this cap! You like to think you're an angry raccoon in it.
Speaking of raccoons, here are a few things that you've said at school:
Teachers: "What's something that is make-believe?
Ollie: "Dinosaurs."
Teachers: "Where do fairies live?"
Ollie: "At their home."
The teachers loooooove you, Ollie. But I think they are a little tired of me.
I went to an event for work the other night and brought home a whole bunch of helium balloons. I stuck them in my trunk and then forgot about then. The next morning you asked me to blow up a tiny balloon that you found in the garage and on the way to school, you accidentally popped it. You cried and screamed and shrieked and basically blew out my eardrums because I wouldn't go back to the house to get another one. Finally, I remembered the special treat in my trunk. Once we got to daycare, I took you around to the back of the car and silently opened the trunk. About 15 balloons rose up into the air and you were flabbergasted! I took them into daycare for all the kids to play with and basically rode on a magical World's Best Mama high all day long. That is, until I got to school and the balloons were tucked away in the teachers' breakroom and they made me to take them home.
You know what else happened this summer, Ollie? Towards the end of June, the US Supreme Court ruled that bans on marriage equality were unconstitutional and that the right to marriage is a fundamental right for everyone. That means that everyone, including same-sex partners, have the right to marry whomever they want. For our family, who believe in equality for all, this is a big deal. It happened Friday morning of the Twin Cities Pride Festival. I had the day off because we were expecting Aunt Michelle (one of my very best friends) to town, and I walked into daycare to pick you up wearing my pride bracelet and all the rainbow stuff I could find. A father was walking his kids out and started telling one of the administrators that this was the worst day in the nation's history because of the ruling, and I held up my bracelet and shouted cheerfully, "I don't agree!" And he shouted back that I should read my Bible. All in the lobby of daycare.
You were still in your classroom and didn't hear any of that conversation. You had no idea of the momentous day, but on the ride home, this was our conversation:
O: "When you're in love, you get married!"
Me: "You're right! Who gets married?"
O: "Mamas and daddies?"
Me: Yes! And did you know that moms can marry each other and daddies can marry each other?"
O: "Two daddies can be princesses?"
Me: "Uh, yeah, sure!"
O: "Hm!"
You and I took Aunt Michelle to the Pride Festival the next day. I was so proud of you. You asked one question, "Why does that girl have short hair?" and accepted everything else. You even begged me to take you to meet one of the performers - who, coincidentally, was also named Oliver.
Everyone got a kick out of the cape Target gave the kids and wanted to tousle your hair or take a picture of you. Someone wanted to take a picture of our "little family," probably thinking that Michelle and I were together and you were our son. So our picture may be up on the Pride website. We're a strong Pride family!
But not everything that happened over the summer was so hunky-dory. One day we were driving back from the grocery story and I saw a turtle traveling precariously across a busy road. We parked, dumped the nectarines out of the box they came in, grabbed each others' hands and went to save the turtle. You couldn't see the turtle, but as soon as we got to it, a car had just driven over it. I tried to explain it to you, but you really couldn't understand why the "stupid" car had run over the turtle and why the turtle wouldn't come back alive. I really didn't know what to say and I could tell I was really a) missing an opportunity and b) screwing it all up, so when we got back in the car and drove home, I started praying that your daddy would have something special to say. He did. You were inconsolable by the time we got home and daddy sat you down on the couch and talked to you about a soul and Heaven. I just sat back marveling at your dad's ability to speak to you and other children about difficult topics and your perception of these giant issues. I remember thinking that I was living in a house of superheroes. Doug said that if you wanted to talk about it ever again that you could, and you nodded and requested to watch "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." (Ironic or healing, I'm not sure which). We didn't hear anything about it again until after you went to bed that night. You came out of your room in crumpled pajamas, sucking your thumb and holding your star blanket. You started crying that you missed the turtle, so daddy put you on his lap and rocked you a little bit.
Oh honey. You have grown up quite a bit this summer. You're liking girls and learning about big issues. When I look at that picture again, I see your self-sufficiency and it does make me a little sad to think how grown up you've become. But you know what else I see? I see in the picture your stuffed lion and star blanket and I think, ahhh, don't worry about it. You're still my little guy and we've still got a lot of memories left to make and cherish.
Love you, buddy.
Everyone says how it goes so fast, childhood, and how in seconds they are grown up, out the door. Everyone says how you have to cherish every tiny moment, and you'll have time to clean later after you play with them now. Days are long, years are short, etc.
This is my 6th post in 2015. At this time last year, I was cranking out my 15th post. We all know that people get busy and life gets hectic as the kids grow up. We get involved in activities that don't revolve so much around introspection as they do running errands, playing sports, working, paying bills, seeing friends, repeating yourself, soothing hurt feelings and treading carefully around tantrums. And yet, those are not the reasons that I want to give when, years from now, Ollie asks me about his childhood and I can't remember squat.
Ollie, you've done a lot of growing up this summer.
Your daddy and I are especially proud of you because you went through a very big biting, hitting, tantruming and throwing things period and after the extremely thoughtful work by and insights from your teachers, the administrator, your grandmas, local law enforcement and the internet, you have been doing VERY well for about a month or two.
One day, after it seemed like the millionth report that I got from your teachers about you biting someone and throwing chairs, I had had it. We had been driving to the gym and on a whim, I pulled in to a fire station. I rolled down your window, turned off the car and walked up to a fire fighter, who was helping to wash the truck. I told her that I knew what I was going to ask was a waste of tax payer's money and her time, but that you were a big fan of "fire-fire-ers" and were having some trouble at school. I had no more ideas left. Without a second thought, she grabbed her helmet and walked out to the car. "I'm Fire Fighter Mari," she introduced herself, "and I hear you've been biting at school." It was awesome! You were in equal parts awed and embarrassed.
From then on, we barraged you with anti-biting and anti-violence messages. The day after the fire station, a police officer visited the daycare, and one of your teachers told her about Fire Fighter Mari. The police officer acted as if FF Mari was a friend and had told her about your biting. You and the police officer had a little talk. That weekend at the church block party, you got to go inside a firetruck. I told that fire fighter about your recent visits and SHE talked to you too. She said you could wear the Chief's helmet if you promised not to bite. You did and you haven't since. :)
(Before I go on, I do want to publish my giant pride that all the officers he talked to were WOMEN.)
That quelled the biting, but the anger issues you had needed to be dealt with as well. You were getting angry very easily, getting impulsive and going off the rails. Doug and I, along with the teachers, decided to try something new, and whenever anyone could see you start getting worked up, we gave you balls to squish and let you run around a little to get the energy out. At school, you have a little corner with pillows to throw or punch and an area to run in place. So far it's working. (KNOCK ON WOOD).
You like two girls right now - Evelyn, at church and Stella, at daycare. Evelyn is the same age and Stella, I think, is in kindergarten and comes to pick up her sisters every day with her mom. After Vacation Bible School a couple of weeks ago I asked you what your favorite part of the day was, and you said,
"Seeing the girl I like! What's her name, Mama?"
"Evelyn?"
"Yeah, Evelyn. I like her."
<Stomach. Drop.>
Prior to Vacation Bible School, you always wanted to play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. After the first day of VBS, however...
"Mama! Let's play David and the giant!"
"You mean Goliath, Ollie?"
"Yeah! David and Goliath the giant! You have to throw 5 rocks at me!"
You have a tongue thrust, and always pronounce your "th" sounds as "f," so we've been working with you. The first word we worked on was "Thor." You're really getting the hang of it and now, after hesitant consideration, can say EarTH, THrough, THrow, and baTH without a problem!
Sitting down one morning, watching cartoons:
"Mama! I have to go to the potty!"
"Okay, then go."
"SILLY LITTLE PENIS!"
"Uhh..why did you say that, Ollie?"
"Because it's a silly little penis because I have to go potty ALL THE TIME!"
Papa Mickey (Grandpa Cook) and Aunt Courtney went to South Dakota on a Harley ride and came back through Minnesota to spend the night with us. We didn't tell you about it until that morning because we knew you wouldn't have slept at all the night before! This was our conversation that morning:
Me: "Ollie, guess who you're going to see tonight!"
Ollie: "Who?"
Me: "Guess!"
Ollie: "Gus?"
Me: "No, guess."
Ollie: "Is that her name?"
Me: "No. Guess who we are seeing tonight."
Ollie: "Um, guests?"
Me: (Ugh) "No. We are seeing Papa Mickey and Aunt Courtney."
Ollie: "Yeah! And they're our guests!"
It was rough. But it was a wonderful little night. Aunt Jessica ordered some pizzas and all the kids tried out the bike.
You still prefer your trike, though. Shorter distance to the ground, I think.
While Papa and Aunt Courtney were here, they also brought gifts for everyone. You got a Native American headdress and this coon-skin cap. Everyone from Starbucks to your teachers love this cap! You like to think you're an angry raccoon in it.
Speaking of raccoons, here are a few things that you've said at school:
Teachers: "What's something that is make-believe?
Ollie: "Dinosaurs."
Teachers: "Where do fairies live?"
Ollie: "At their home."
The teachers loooooove you, Ollie. But I think they are a little tired of me.
I went to an event for work the other night and brought home a whole bunch of helium balloons. I stuck them in my trunk and then forgot about then. The next morning you asked me to blow up a tiny balloon that you found in the garage and on the way to school, you accidentally popped it. You cried and screamed and shrieked and basically blew out my eardrums because I wouldn't go back to the house to get another one. Finally, I remembered the special treat in my trunk. Once we got to daycare, I took you around to the back of the car and silently opened the trunk. About 15 balloons rose up into the air and you were flabbergasted! I took them into daycare for all the kids to play with and basically rode on a magical World's Best Mama high all day long. That is, until I got to school and the balloons were tucked away in the teachers' breakroom and they made me to take them home.
You know what else happened this summer, Ollie? Towards the end of June, the US Supreme Court ruled that bans on marriage equality were unconstitutional and that the right to marriage is a fundamental right for everyone. That means that everyone, including same-sex partners, have the right to marry whomever they want. For our family, who believe in equality for all, this is a big deal. It happened Friday morning of the Twin Cities Pride Festival. I had the day off because we were expecting Aunt Michelle (one of my very best friends) to town, and I walked into daycare to pick you up wearing my pride bracelet and all the rainbow stuff I could find. A father was walking his kids out and started telling one of the administrators that this was the worst day in the nation's history because of the ruling, and I held up my bracelet and shouted cheerfully, "I don't agree!" And he shouted back that I should read my Bible. All in the lobby of daycare.
You were still in your classroom and didn't hear any of that conversation. You had no idea of the momentous day, but on the ride home, this was our conversation:
O: "When you're in love, you get married!"
Me: "You're right! Who gets married?"
O: "Mamas and daddies?"
Me: Yes! And did you know that moms can marry each other and daddies can marry each other?"
O: "Two daddies can be princesses?"
Me: "Uh, yeah, sure!"
O: "Hm!"
You and I took Aunt Michelle to the Pride Festival the next day. I was so proud of you. You asked one question, "Why does that girl have short hair?" and accepted everything else. You even begged me to take you to meet one of the performers - who, coincidentally, was also named Oliver.
But not everything that happened over the summer was so hunky-dory. One day we were driving back from the grocery story and I saw a turtle traveling precariously across a busy road. We parked, dumped the nectarines out of the box they came in, grabbed each others' hands and went to save the turtle. You couldn't see the turtle, but as soon as we got to it, a car had just driven over it. I tried to explain it to you, but you really couldn't understand why the "stupid" car had run over the turtle and why the turtle wouldn't come back alive. I really didn't know what to say and I could tell I was really a) missing an opportunity and b) screwing it all up, so when we got back in the car and drove home, I started praying that your daddy would have something special to say. He did. You were inconsolable by the time we got home and daddy sat you down on the couch and talked to you about a soul and Heaven. I just sat back marveling at your dad's ability to speak to you and other children about difficult topics and your perception of these giant issues. I remember thinking that I was living in a house of superheroes. Doug said that if you wanted to talk about it ever again that you could, and you nodded and requested to watch "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." (Ironic or healing, I'm not sure which). We didn't hear anything about it again until after you went to bed that night. You came out of your room in crumpled pajamas, sucking your thumb and holding your star blanket. You started crying that you missed the turtle, so daddy put you on his lap and rocked you a little bit.
Oh honey. You have grown up quite a bit this summer. You're liking girls and learning about big issues. When I look at that picture again, I see your self-sufficiency and it does make me a little sad to think how grown up you've become. But you know what else I see? I see in the picture your stuffed lion and star blanket and I think, ahhh, don't worry about it. You're still my little guy and we've still got a lot of memories left to make and cherish.
Love you, buddy.
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