Tuesday Twenty: Advice To My Son for the Future
1. Zits are like bullies. Ignore them, and they'll go away. If you can't ignore them (zits or bullies), put up a really, really good fight. And wash your face afterwards.
2. If something bothers you enough to keep you up for three nights, address it. All problems, issues and obstacles get worse when you're running on little sleep.
3. Floss. Pay attention to your gums. If you don't, no one will want to kiss you.
4. Drink water, eat healthily and sleep well. This will make you look and feel better, I promise.
5. Learn how to match ties to shirts and socks to pants/shoes. It's some kind of sorcery that I can't teach you, but people tend to admire.
6. The bigger the hoops, the lower her standards. Double that if she has thick liquid black eyeliner. That goes for men, too, whichever way you end up swinging.
7. Everyone needs at least one good heartbreak, though. But if you come home with crabs, you're paying for your own health insurance.
8. The key to beauty is laugh lines and forgiveness. NOT makeup, money, good clothes, tanned skin or thinness. Laugh and forgive.
9. Know your way around a lawn mower, toilet scrubber, dishwasher, hammer, grill, vacuum, mop, washing machine and drill. Use them well and use them frequently. No one thinks it's funny or somehow inspired if you claim not to know what to do with them. They think you're useless.
10. You can be the guy who doesn't watch television, just don't show off about it. You may be the world's foremost specialist on the history of Yetis, but no one's listening the morning after the Game of Thrones season ending cliffhanger.
11. Pick a cause. Work against it, volunteer for it or donate to it regularly. Passionate people lead better lives.
12. Brutality and sarcasm are remembered just as long a time as love and respect.
13. Many people go by the "Ask for forgiveness, not permission" way of life. If you know the rules, Jiminy Christmas, don't break them and expect people to forgive you. That's just being a shitty person.
14. Budget. Be smart about your money, bud. Here's a tip: 50-30-20.
50% = Bills
30% = Savings/Debt
20% = Wants
15. Say yes to more things than no.
16. Unless it's alcohol, drugs, bullying or sex. Then say no.
17. Make your bed every morning. It makes you feel accomplished.
18. Cook. Bake. Season. Grill. Invent. Smell. Taste.
19. Buy new underwear. Don't wear them until it looks as though a bear confused them with food.
20. Each day, choose your attitude and to be consistently present. Listen. Be kind. Mama isn't raising a douche-bag.
2. If something bothers you enough to keep you up for three nights, address it. All problems, issues and obstacles get worse when you're running on little sleep.
3. Floss. Pay attention to your gums. If you don't, no one will want to kiss you.
4. Drink water, eat healthily and sleep well. This will make you look and feel better, I promise.
5. Learn how to match ties to shirts and socks to pants/shoes. It's some kind of sorcery that I can't teach you, but people tend to admire.
6. The bigger the hoops, the lower her standards. Double that if she has thick liquid black eyeliner. That goes for men, too, whichever way you end up swinging.
7. Everyone needs at least one good heartbreak, though. But if you come home with crabs, you're paying for your own health insurance.
8. The key to beauty is laugh lines and forgiveness. NOT makeup, money, good clothes, tanned skin or thinness. Laugh and forgive.
9. Know your way around a lawn mower, toilet scrubber, dishwasher, hammer, grill, vacuum, mop, washing machine and drill. Use them well and use them frequently. No one thinks it's funny or somehow inspired if you claim not to know what to do with them. They think you're useless.
10. You can be the guy who doesn't watch television, just don't show off about it. You may be the world's foremost specialist on the history of Yetis, but no one's listening the morning after the Game of Thrones season ending cliffhanger.
11. Pick a cause. Work against it, volunteer for it or donate to it regularly. Passionate people lead better lives.
12. Brutality and sarcasm are remembered just as long a time as love and respect.
13. Many people go by the "Ask for forgiveness, not permission" way of life. If you know the rules, Jiminy Christmas, don't break them and expect people to forgive you. That's just being a shitty person.
14. Budget. Be smart about your money, bud. Here's a tip: 50-30-20.
50% = Bills
30% = Savings/Debt
20% = Wants
15. Say yes to more things than no.
16. Unless it's alcohol, drugs, bullying or sex. Then say no.
17. Make your bed every morning. It makes you feel accomplished.
18. Cook. Bake. Season. Grill. Invent. Smell. Taste.
19. Buy new underwear. Don't wear them until it looks as though a bear confused them with food.
20. Each day, choose your attitude and to be consistently present. Listen. Be kind. Mama isn't raising a douche-bag.
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