Father's Day!

June 17, 2013

Father's Day!

Love, yesterday was Father's Day. Or, as you said it, "Happy Day, Daddy!" You had the perfect present for your Daddy!

"I <3 Dad"

I realize that you will likely have a different relationship with your father than I imagine you having or that he and I have with our dads. Everyone's different. However, this poem brings to mind everything I pray that you will one day say about your dad.

Compliments

By: Ron Tranmer

I've been told that I am thoughtful,

that my feet are on the ground.

Some say that I am likeable

and fun to be around.

It's been said that to my principles

I stand firm and true.

That I'm dependable and honest

in the things I say and do.

But the single greatest compliment

that I have ever had,

is when somebody told me,

"You remind me of your dad."

See, babe, your dad is all of these things and more, but the word, "principles," really stands out for me in this poem. Your dad believes in and stands for his principles more than anything else.

He's a rock and our constant, and he's got unshakeable values. Don't let the word, "unshakeable" mess you up. It doesn't mean that he's unchangeable. It just means that he speaks up for things that he believes are important. In this day and age, sweetheart, it seems unusual to have moral obligations, but he does. You will know right from wrong with him at your side, I promise, and hopefully he passes onto you all of his goodness and none of my cynicism.

Do you want to know what his principles are? You'll notice some of them above in the poem, but there are others that I think you need to know about.

Thoughtfulness. While there have been times he hasn't thought through what he has said, it's very seldom and only when he's flustered. He is thoughtful in word and deed and as a father, husband, friend and social worker. He's just really considerate and respectful of people's feelings. He also puts a lot of thinking time into things. You have a lot of toys, darling, and many of them are because your dad saw what you were doing developmentally and thought ahead to what you may want to play with later.

Staying Grounded. I think this comes from all of his work with the community. He understands what qualifies as high pressure and what doesn't, what constitutes a flight of fancy and what requires a nose to the grindstone. He knows what's a big deal and what isn't, basically. He's smart, and he's efficient with his energy. The only two disclaimers here are anything that deals with you and new technology. If you ask him if he needs a newer, bigger TV or iDevice, he will say yes - which isn't always true!

Be A Good Friend. Did you know that your dad and I were best friends before we started dating? Yup, that's how he lured me in. And I can't imagine that you don't already know that he's hilarious. He cracks us up all the time. He's great at funny faces, has an eye for the obvious, has terrific comedic timing and is fun to be around. He also has a great memory - for movie quotes as well as things going on in people's lives - and that, combined with all the other wonderful things about him, means that he makes friends and keeps them. I think all of his friends would walk over burning coals for him because they know he'd do the same for them. I know I would. That's what makes a good friend, love.
Honor and Integrity. Nothing is worth doing if you can't stand up proudly to say you did it, and if you mess something up, own up to it. I don't mean to make your dad sound like a drill sergeant, he's anything but that. But what integrity and honor mean to me is being the first to notice. Being the first to praise and being the first to apologize. Saying "I'm sorry" goes a much longer way if someone doesn't have to beg you for it.

Consistency. Remember when I said that your dad isn't unchangeable? I don't mean to be confusing. It's just that your dad appreciates knowing what's coming up and doesn't like when things change quickly. To that end, he fights change by remaining as consistent as possible. For the past two years, he's eaten the same lunch every day: sandwich, apple, V8, cheese stick and cookies. It's not because he's married to it, it's just because, well, it works. You'd better believe, though, that when we run out of turkey and roast beef, he thrills at getting some Chipotle. What I mean to say is that when he's ready for change, he welcomes it, but when it happens abruptly, without warning, it surprises him and he doesn't like feeling like he has to scramble. Sometimes this means he can be stubborn, which is going to be fun when I have to mediate between the two of you mules as you get older. But it doesn't mean that he can't change because he recognizes he must. He just needs a good enough reason to do so.

Dependability. Because that's what a dad, friend, father, husband and son ought to be: dependable. He never lets people down. He will never let you down. If he says he's going to be at your soccer game or school play, he'll be there. If you ask him something in confidence, he won't betray you. If you think something is important, you can be sure he'll think the same. He has vowed to love you forever, and he will. You can count on him.

Honesty. Sometimes I don't like it, and sometimes you won't either, but he will tell you what he thinks. He'll try to frame it as nicely as possible, and that's where his thoughtfulness comes in, but he needs to be honest. What you'll come to resist, which certainly I do, is that nine times out of ten he's given it more thought than you did, and he'll be right. Dangit! Just don't tell him - he'll lord it over you for a while. It's one of his weaknesses - he's like a dog with a bone.

Generosity. Your daddy gives so much of himself to us and to others that sometimes I feel the need to caution him to slow down. He is selfless and he just can't help it: he works hard at trying to please everyone, but mostly us. There have been many weekends where you and I are just so exhausted that we've fallen asleep in the car. Even though he would give anything to nap along with us, he'll drive around for hours so that we can sleep without being interrupted. Yesterday, even though it was his day to sit and do nothing, he cleaned up dinner so that you and I could entertain everyone with your new songs. We will always know that we're the most important people in his life, because he makes us his priority - often over himself. Maybe I'll enlist you to help remind him to relax sometimes.

Fairness. He believes in the good in people, although admittedly, sometimes it's hard for him to find. Because he's so respectful, he thinks everyone should be. He believes that everyone should have the same benefits and pitfalls as everyone else. He doesn't like that gay marriage means something different than regular man-woman marriage, and he doesn't like that some people have more luck and advantages than others. He believes that the scales should be equal for all - rich/poor, man/woman, gay/straight, black/white - and wishes everyone to be held accountable according to the same set of rules. Unfortunately, love, that's not the world we live in right now. Hopefully soon.
Efficiency. Your daddy is a hard worker - in the office and at home. But he's a smart worker and calls himself the "Efficiency Expert" because he'll always try to find the way to work that's easier, quicker and will yield the same or better results. He can't help but show us his way too. Don't worry if it ticks you off, sometimes it does me too, especially when it's something I've done for a long time!

Ingenuity. Your dad is such a good dad because he is creative. His imagination has no bounds! It can be helpful (like when he unlocked Uncle Brian's car door with a glove and a wire hanger), adventurous (all the different items he puts into his famous Tuna Noodle Casserole or spaghetti sauce), and sporty (tying burp cloths to the backs of your shirts so you can have superhero capes). He thinks outside of the box, love, which is fabulous for the times when I'm thinking only inside the box.
Romantic. I know that this is a characteristic more than a principle, but hear me out. Your dad has always wanted romantic love, and because of that, whenever he thought he had found it, he went out of his way to make that woman feel special. It probably suffered him a few sniggers, but he always remained true to this side of himself. To this day, he makes sure that I feel adored, cared for and respected in ways that vary from small (making our lunches every day) to big (remind me to tell you about his marriage proposal). It's a tendancy every gentleman should have and I'm so lucky and blessed your father has it. I have to remind myself of his little daily lovebombs when I yell at him for leaving a wet towel on the bed.

It's a pretty long list, huh? You can see, Ollie, why if anyone tells you that you remind them of your dad, I hope and pray that it'll be the best compliment you think you could ever receive. It seems a lot to live up to, doesn't it, all of these glorious and inspirational attributes? The thing is, though, I don't expect you to have all of these gifts. Because your daddy is in your life, I know you already have them.

So let's raise a glass and praise the most wonderful man in the world to you, O: your daddy.

Happy Father's Day, Doug!

May 2011, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn