Cook Family Lore 1:1

Oliver, Doug and I are heading back to Michigan next week.  All the families are converging on the lake cottage at once, and we're going to spend time swimming, eating, drinking and relaxing.  I can't wait.  I'm crawling on my hands and knees towards this vacation. My family is awesome and I'm missing them a lot lately.  

You see, every time we get together (which definitely doesn't happen often enough or last long enough), there's usually a night when we all sit back from the dinner table, with or without glasses of wine, and share funny memories of when we all lived in the same house.  This story swap probably started either around the Christmas tree or the summer bonfire, shortly after the kids moved away and around the time when we all realized how much we loved each other and could try to get over all the old family squabbles.

As a nod to those times and to record these silly happenings for Oliver before my memory completely goes up in smoke, I'm starting a series called "Cook Family Lore."  Let me know if you enjoy it!

Remember the one where...

• Courtney got puked on?  Teensy and quiet Courtney was in the schoolbus on her way to kindergarten on a warm fall day, sitting in the front near Mrs. Weaver.  The bus got to 3rd Street, which was the street that if you didn't have a seat mate, you quickly found one and guarded it with your life.  Court was alone on her bench and became sandwiched by two very big girls.  One of the girls belched, turned, and vomited all over little Courtney's bare legs.  Courtney looked up, aghast.  The girl turned towards her, wiped her lips and said, "I think I ate too much oatmeal."
• Dad made an enemy of Rocky?  The first Thanksgiving that Doug came home with me, the house was full to the gills.  Everyone was awake and drinking coffee, except for Jess who was sleeping in on the couch in the living room.  Suddenly Doug came into the family room and said, "There's a raccoon running circles on the front lawn."  Quietly, we all ran into the living room, stepped around Jess and gathered around the bay window to watch.  It was obvious that the raccoon had rabies, so Mom made sure the dogs were inside and suggested that it should be put out of its misery.  We discussed in urgent whispers how best to attack the situation.  All the governmental agencies were on holiday, so we agreed that, because we're out in the country, it's best and quickest if we do it.  Mom's suggestion of putting one of the rabbit cages over it and stabbing it an old army sword was considered inhumane, so we decided that dad would shoot it quickly with his gun.  Dad hemmed and hawed for a bit but finally, after realizing that it was the only option, went downstairs and fetched his gun.  All this time Jess was still asleep, so dad leaned over to her and whispered right in her ear, "Jess.  You're going to hear a gunshot.  Don't worry."  Then he cocked his gun.  Well, Jess woke up.  Dad went outside and gave Rocky a double tap to the cerebellum and the poor animal went up to heaven.   Doug helped him clean it up and then we all ate turkey. 
• We never returned to First Assembly?  As I've mentioned in the past, I grew up Baptist.  At one point, the First Baptist Church in Niles was undergoing some serious congregation and pastoral changes, so we decided to pull up our roots and look into some other churches in the area.  Mom had heard about First Assembly of God, a Pentacostal church in Niles, from many of our friends so we decided to try it  out.  It was pretty giant and we were a little intimidated, but everyone seemed very welcoming when he arrived so we settled into a back pew.  We sang and were sitting down to listen to the sermon when a woman directly behind us stood up and started speaking in tongues.  To be fair to us, we didn't know it was glossolalia, we just thought she was going crazy.  Courtney looked at me, I looked at Jess and then we all looked at Mom.  Mom looked from her children's absolute confusion and open shock to the tongue lashing woman to the congregation's patient eyes (because everyone was turning around looking directly at us) and hissed, "Get your stuff!" We scrambled out the door (which was opened nicely and without judgement by one of the deacons) and burst out laughing in the lobby. 

I love my family!  Can't wait to see you guys soon!